covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
