i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
