He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
