if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
