i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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