her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
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It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
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I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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