I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
