Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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