So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
