His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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