hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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