you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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