According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
