Umm I'm too high to move.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made out with two different species that night
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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