I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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