"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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