i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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