Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
