I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
