Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
