I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize