he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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