Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
