I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
