how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.