i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
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I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?