well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor