R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
