I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
