I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
So squirting runs in the family.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
