in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
It's rum buckets o'clock
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
