I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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