nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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