you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
