i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
