Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
