My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
