How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
