my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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