it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
