I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
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