how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
