He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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