this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
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