You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
