I want you more than these girls want KFC
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
