Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize