You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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