oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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