Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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