I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
