dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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