Texts From Last Night

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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.

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  (202): Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up. http://tfl.nu/bgl4
  Replies (11) Good night (1364) Bad night (560)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.

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  (203): I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now. http://tfl.nu/m857
  Replies (12) Good night (4484) Bad night (778)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.

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  (703): i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room. http://tfl.nu/rb5o
  Replies (24) Good night (1020) Bad night (6236)
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won

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  (252): Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won http://tfl.nu/atk6
  Replies (30) Good night (13470) Bad night (1097)
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?

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  (780): Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top? http://tfl.nu/gcls
  Replies (47) Good night (1381) Bad night (6871)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage

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  (724): Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage http://tfl.nu/yt67
  Replies (19) Good night (3163) Bad night (1024)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."

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  (716): He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches." http://tfl.nu/amaz
  Replies (5) Good night (2783) Bad night (1566)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.

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  (408): Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick. http://tfl.nu/f6ps
  Replies (8) Good night (940) Bad night (2246)
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.

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  (204): We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party. http://tfl.nu/tsig
  Replies (3) Good night (2462) Bad night (555)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.

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  (423): Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this. http://tfl.nu/rnqg
  Replies (12) Good night (2786) Bad night (740)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.

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  (310): Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical. http://tfl.nu/lnv3
  Replies (5) Good night (1634) Bad night (842)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.

  (1-304): View more from West Virginia

  And vodka?

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  And vodka.

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  (304): The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period. (1-304): And vodka? (304): And vodka. http://tfl.nu/b29x
  Replies (6) Good night (1447) Bad night (423)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.

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  (917): I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over. http://tfl.nu/bs45
  Replies (2) Good night (758) Bad night (304)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.

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  (919): I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day. http://tfl.nu/lt26
  Replies (4) Good night (781) Bad night (195)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Sex is always the answer.

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?

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  (630): Sex is always the answer. (630): Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year? http://tfl.nu/kqhl
  Replies (1) Good night (546) Bad night (324)

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