I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
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I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
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He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..