This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?