Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
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I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
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Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?