I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.