I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
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