there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
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i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
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I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
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