I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
