Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(404): View more from Georgia

this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night

(404): View more from Georgia

i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator

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(404): this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night (404): i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator http://tfl.nu/lkbi

Replies (20) Good night (953) Bad night (5654)
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(201): View more from New Jersey

At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old

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(201): At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old http://tfl.nu/03p8

Replies (9) Good night (4533) Bad night (868)
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(253): View more from Washington

Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....

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(253): Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined..... http://tfl.nu/yuuz

Replies (13) Good night (927) Bad night (4525)
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(561): View more from Florida

I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face

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(561): I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face http://tfl.nu/knsv

Replies (25) Good night (3604) Bad night (1906)
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(815): View more from Illinois

Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?

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(815): Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes? http://tfl.nu/tg6b

Replies (6) Good night (2527) Bad night (870)
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(713): View more from Texas

We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.

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(713): We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning. http://tfl.nu/f21r

Replies (2) Good night (2239) Bad night (622)
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(248): View more from Michigan

Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?

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(248): Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date? http://tfl.nu/49q5

Replies (14) Good night (2564) Bad night (885)
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(319): View more from Iowa

I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well

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(319): I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well http://tfl.nu/7sxw

Replies (1) Good night (478) Bad night (1603)
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(989): View more from Michigan

If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.

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(989): If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals. http://tfl.nu/so0f

Replies (8) Good night (1143) Bad night (440)
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(904): View more from Florida

Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten

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(904): Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten http://tfl.nu/vxzl

Replies (2) Good night (1057) Bad night (372)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.

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(610): she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners. http://tfl.nu/yd21

Replies (3) Good night (1060) Bad night (645)
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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

My vag is like the Sahara

(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Ew that's gross.

(267): View more from Pennsylvania

The sad truth. Barren and empty.

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(267): My vag is like the Sahara (215): Ew that's gross. (267): The sad truth. Barren and empty. http://tfl.nu/3klg

Replies (9) Good night (342) Bad night (830)
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(719): View more from Colorado

I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree

(1-719): View more from Colorado

it happenes

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(719): I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree (1-719): it happenes http://tfl.nu/m4ky

Replies (1) Good night (893) Bad night (263)
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(330): View more from Ohio

I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.

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(330): I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night. http://tfl.nu/a30e

Replies (0) Good night (846) Bad night (280)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.

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(203): I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all. http://tfl.nu/yj74

Replies (1) Good night (277) Bad night (440)

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