I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
