Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
