With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Found the puke drawer
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
