Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
