There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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