Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
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If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
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Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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